Wednesday, July 01, 2009

Words Straight From the Heart

2009 has been a year of challenges and change for me on so many levels, all of which I’ll write about at a later date—probably a New Year piece to give 2009 a proper send off and hope it doesn’t have a twin.

Anyway, one thing that’s been hovering over me, weighing me down like an anchor tied around my neck has had to do with my writing.

Do you see the empty box at the top of the page? That’s what writer’s block looks like. Stiff and empty. Nothing going in, nothing going out. I was working on the third book in my Harper series, but the more I pushed the writing, the emptier the box became. Some of you may have even noticed my absence from the Internet. Yes, it affected all of my writing and finally, things got to the point where I didn’t care.

I’ve been struggling with this book for nearly a year. I managed to write 45,000 words and it has several chapters I’m proud of. For those who are familiar with my writing the dialogue is typical Harper, and the characters jump off the page. So what’s the problem? I have no idea except to say, the book simply didn’t want to be written.

If I’m going to be completely honest with myself, part of the pressure comes from having had my first two books receive professional recognition (THE DEVIL CAN WAIT, 2008, 2009 IPPY Bronze Medal Finalist and SILENCED CRY 2007, honorable mention at the 2008 New York Book Fair). What a waste of everyone’s time it would be if this next book wasn’t in line with the others so I pushed it and it pushed back.

Whatever the reason, the longer I worked on it, the harder and less exciting it became. I’d sit down at my computer, type a few lines and find any excuse to leave (needed to put some laundry in, bathrooms needed cleaning, brush my teeth again, must go to the market ... and so on and so forth). Worse, I couldn’t see the story or the ending and when that happens, when I can’t see the characters or the action, I know it’s doomed.

I was looking forward to a week-long vacation my family and I had planned for the first part of June. In the early hours while everyone slept, I got out the laptop and tried to do a bit of typing. I actually did, but my new surroundings in the beautiful mountains of Tennessee didn’t light the spark I needed to get me going.

This went on for a few days until I realized that all I was thinking of was my submission goal—get it completed by the end of summer and ready for submission to my publisher in the fall. I knew right then that if I didn’t break out of this writer’s block soon, I might very well stop writing all together. I was devastated so, on June 17, I set that book aside for the last time and began a new one.

This still untitled book is totally different from my previous books. It features a woman private investigator named Rhonie Lude. I’m writing it in first person (my other books are in 3rd POV limited), it takes place in Los Angeles where I lived for a few years, and it has an interesting twist which I can’t discuss at the moment, but one that stems from a very personal experience. Hence, write what you know. And WOW! Two weeks later I've written nearly 20,000 words of this story. It's flying from my heart to my fingertips to my computer.

That nagging voice in the back of my head continues to say, “It’s gotta be better, gotta be better.” And this time it will be, because I’m writing from the heart and not the head.

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